was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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