Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
