Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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