We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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