here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
