Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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