so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
