She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
