I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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