Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
