Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
