WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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