In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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