when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
