This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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