I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
