We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
