i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
