i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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