im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
