Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
