I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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