you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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