I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
