i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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