Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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