Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
two words...techno handjob
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
