My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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