I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
