i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
