id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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