I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
