we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
