My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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