Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i need some magic done to my vagina
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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