I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
