11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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