What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
