I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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