Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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