Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
