tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ttyl tear gas
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
