I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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