Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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