so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
