and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
is that a dick in a sweater?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
