i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
