She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
