I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize