Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
